


If At First You Don't Succeed

by Halzbarry



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Olivarry BrOTP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 01:39:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10264355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halzbarry/pseuds/Halzbarry
Summary: With Wally lost in the Speed Force and Iris distant from him, Barry is on the verge of a breakdown. When Julian pushes Barry away, he turns to the only person he knows can give him the advice he truly needs to hear.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [suitsflash (bikeross)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bikeross/gifts).



> This is Medha's birthday fic! Happy Birthday Medha! This is Brotp Olivarry only because canon!Barry deserves to have Julian let loose on him a bit, and then to have Oliver give him a talking to rebuild his confidence!

Everything was going wrong.

Wally was lost somewhere in the Speed Force all because of Savitar. Iris wasn’t his fiancée anymore and he wasn’t sure what would happen with them now. And now, Savitar was free, putting him one step closer to losing Iris.

And even worse was that he and everyone else still had to go on like everything was normal. They all had jobs to do, and the world wasn't going to stop just for them. So he had to play the part of being normal, at least until they could come up with a plan to save Wally.

That was why he was walking into the CCPD, the weight of the world on his shoulders, and feeling like he had no support system to help him.

He'd spent the night at Cisco's in part, so he could give Iris space, but also because he couldn’t bring himself to face her or Joe right now. Not until he knew how to save Wally. He promised them he would, but that didn’t allay the soul-crushing guilt flowing through him. Honestly, all it would take was one more thing to probably send him over the edge.

He kept his head down as he ventured up to his lab. Avoiding people wasn’t hard since he wasn’t exactly Mr. Popular anyways.

The last few hours had nothing but silence for him. Silence of what to say to Joe, Iris, and now Jesse about Wally. Silence on how he could really beat Savitar and save Iris. Silence on where to go next if there latest attempts failed. 

But when he finally made it to his lab to see Julian already at his desk hard at work, he figured maybe, just maybe, that could help ease his mind a bit. But that hope was quickly crushed when Julian didn’t bother to look up once at him. In fact, Julian had acted as if he was the only one there, and that guilt in his chest began to swell again.

“Hey, Julian, can we talk for a second?”

“I’m quite busy, Allen. Make it quick,” Julian quipped, still not even bothering to look up or to stop writing whatever report it was he was working on.

Confusion overtook him and Barry couldn’t help but plant himself in front of Julian’s desk.

“Hey, is everything alright?” Barry asked.

Barry could see Julian’s nostrils flare and before he knew it Julian slammed the pen down before turning an angry glare up at Barry.

“Is everything alright?” Julian repeated with a bitter laugh. “Well for starters, I barely got any sleep last night. It’s quite hard to when you have visions of Savitar floating around in your brain all night. God, it was like I could still hear him even though that stupid device was still in Star Labs."

Julian’s words felt almost like another knife to the chest. He knew it hadn’t been right to ask Julian not once, but twice, to channel Savitar, but he’d hoped that knowing it could save Iris would’ve ease Julian’s, and really, his guilt about it.

“And do you know the worst part about it all, Allen? It’s that I thought I found a group of people I could call my friends, but in reality, you all were just using me the entire time.”

Barry sighed and folded his arms. “Julian, we weren’t trying to use you. You were just the only one whose had a direct tie to Savitar.”

Julian sneered. “Even now you still won’t admit that you were wrong. This is utterly amazing.” Julian got up from his desk and started to walk away, but Barry chased after him.

“Julian, wait,” Barry tried to stop him.

“Look, Barry, you and your team are on your own for a while. I just need a break from Star Labs. A break from all of this madness for once. I’ll do whatever I can to help Iris, but I will do it from afar.”

“Julian, look, it was never my intention to put you through that again. It was just to save, Iris.”

Julian gave a half smile and nodded, but Barry knew there was no reassuring about it.

“Yes, well, I wished that changed things. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to talk to Captain Singh about a case.”

Julian walked out leaving Barry alone again, and he felt that void of desperation starting to claw it’s way up from the depths of his mind again.

He needed to let this out. He felt like he was starting to go insane. Nothing was going right anymore. He was getting closer to losing Iris, and every day he felt like he was losing more and more ground in this... war against Savitar for Iris' life.

And then it hit him.

It was a longshot, but he needed someone to talk to and if there was anyone he could go to it was him.

He pulled his phone out and dialed Oliver’s number. He wasn’t expecting him to pick up, but there was a strong hope deep down that he would.

“Barry? Is everything alright?” Oliver answered after a few rings.

“Do you always assume that something’s wrong when I call?” Barry said with a heavily feigned laugh.

“Well when the last time you needed me involved stopping an alien invasion it’s hard not to,” Oliver joked back.

There was something about Oliver that could always make him smile, even in the direst of times. It was why he needed Oliver right now more than anything else.

“Oliver, do you think we could talk sometime soon. I—I just have a lot on my mind right now, and I could really use your advice.”

He didn’t hear anything for a moment, and he was honestly expecting that Oliver was trying to think of a nice way to say no. He’d occasionally forget that Oliver was now mayor of Star City. He couldn’t just drop his no doubt busy schedule for him.

“Alright. I just had calendar cleared for the rest of the day. When are you free?”

“Oliver, you didn’t have to do that,” Barry replied.

“Barry, I don’t know if you realize this, but you sound like you’re a minute away from a breakdown, and I’d feel guilty if I let that happen. So, come to the loft in fifteen?”  

“Yeah… yeah that sounds great. And, Oliver—thank you,” Barry said.

“It’s not a problem, Barry. See you in a few.”

When Oliver hung up the phone Barry felt like he could breathe easier for a moment. If anyone knew anything about the weight of the situation he was under and could give him advice on how to handle this, it was Oliver.

He wondered if Julian would mind if he was gone for a while. It was hard to gauge where he and Julian were now. For the sake of not pushing his luck, he used his speed to leave Julian a note with a simple lie. _Found a lead on Savitar_. It was enough that Julian wouldn’t question him being gone too much. He’d let Cisco and Caitlin know to cover for him if Julian asked.

 

* * *

 

 

Oliver had already been on his way back to the loft when Barry had called. He had a world full of his own problems to deal with, and he was hoping a day off from dealing with all his mayoral nonsense would help him clear his mind and focus on Prometheus. But hearing how distressed and defeated Barry sounded on the phone, he knew he couldn’t say no when he asked to talk.

Still it was surprising to see Barry sitting at the table in his loft when he opened the door. He looked up at Oliver and offered a small grin, but Oliver could see through it. He could see the guilt and self-loathing he was feeling, and it was only because his own eyes still looked the same sometimes.

“Barry. You’re here earlier than I thought,” Oliver joked with a small grin.

Barry stood from the table and fidgeted with his hands, a sure-tell sign that something was truly eating at him.

“I guess I wasn’t paying attention. Thanks for letting me come over though,” he replied.

“It’s nothing, Barry. Anything for a friend. And hey, I’m glad you're early for once rather than late.”

That wrenched a laugh out of him, but even that faltered sooner than it should’ve, and Oliver couldn’t narrow his eyes suspiciously at him.

“So… what’s wrong?”

Barry’s mouth hung open just slightly like he wasn’t quite expecting the question. Maybe Barry had hoped for more small talk as an excuse to ignore what was bothering him a little bit longer, but that’s not what Oliver was here for. Barry had called him asking to talk, and he was aware of the gravity of the situations Barry faced. The alien invasion in and of itself was an example of that.

“I… I messed up again, Oliver,” Barry finally answered.

Oliver inhaled deeply before moving to sit opposite where Barry was just seated and motioning for Barry to sit back down opposite him.

“Tell me what happened,” Oliver pressed.

Barry laughed, or more so sneered in that same self-derisive manner.

“Where do I even start,” Barry started with a mocking tone that Oliver knew wasn’t directed at him. With a large sigh though Barry seemed to finally focus his thoughts enough to explain himself. “Remember that news article from the future that I showed you? The one that was supposed to be written by Iris, but it wasn’t anymore?”

“I remember. I told you to stop focusing on that one piece of paper and move forward,” Oliver answered pointedly.

“Yeah, well, I finally figured out why Iris’ name wasn’t on that article anymore,” Barry answered, looking away from Oliver now.

Oliver raised an eyebrow and noted that Barry’s entire expression turned sour and bitter all of a sudden.

“Barry—what happened?”

Barry finally looked up and bitterly exhaled. “Iris, she… she dies, Oliver. Iris dies, and I’m too slow to stop it.”

Oliver felt as though the air had been punched out of him. He knew just how much Iris meant to him, and he knew that for him to say that meant that something horrific had to have happened.

“Barry… how is that possible that you know that? Don't tell me you time-traveled?”

Barry nodded. “There was this guy, Alchemy, who it turns out it was really my co-worker, Julian, and he was channeling this… this thing—this speedster, Savitar. And he was using this stone called the Philosopher’s stone to do it. We tried to get rid of it by throwing it into the Speed Force, and it threw me into the future where I watched Savitar murder Iris right in front of me.”

With every word Barry spoke his voice grew more bitter and angry. Overtime, Oliver had started to see the cracks in Barry’s persona quickly forming. That nice, innocent forensic scientist that wanted only to do good in the world was quickly giving way to this angry, tired, and bitter person that was currently sitting in front of him. Barry was losing the one thing that made him who he was, and that was hope.

“I can't believe I'm saying this, but Barry, you can still stop this. You saw the future, but that doesn’t mean you can’t change it.”

“What do you think I’ve been trying to do, Oliver?” Barry countered, his tone even angrier. It took a moment, but Barry’s eyes went wide with shock and shame, but before he could utter an apology Oliver shook his head. After all, he knew more than anyone what it was like to turn your anger at the world on others. “Every time I think we’re getting closer to stopping something that leads to her death we fail and are back at square one with nothing. And it’s getting worse. Wally is lost somewhere in the Speed Force now and we don’t know how to get him out.”

“So, you think of a new approach. You can’t quit, Barry. If anyone can find a way to change this… this future, it’s you. You’re the man who saved Central City. You can save Wally and Iris,” Oliver consoled.

Barry sighed and slumped back in his chair and Oliver could see the red starting to form in his eyes. Barry had been holding back so much that Oliver was amazed that he’d even held it together as long as he had so far.

“I don’t know anymore, Oliver. For every step we take forward, we take two steps back. I asked Julian to go through hell again to help us talk to Savitar and how he won’t talk to me… and Iris—we were engaged. And now, we’re not even living together anymore,” Barry continued on.

Oliver took in a deep breath and shook his head.

“Barry, you have to take a second to breathe and realize that you’re doing the best you can.”

“But my best isn’t good enough! Don’t you see Oliver, even when I try, I’m still not good enough. All I do is keep making mistakes.”

Oliver let his body move on autopilot and placed a hand over Barry’s that was sitting on the table in front of him. Almost immediately Barry seemed to settle, like the touch was all he needed this entire time.

“Barry, listen to me. You have got to take a minute to breathe,” Oliver stated. Barry’s hazel eyes were red and glossy and Oliver wanted nothing more than to restore the light that was missing from his gaze. “You’re going to fix this, and guess what? You’re also going to make mistakes along the way. I know it because I've lived it too. But you can handle it better than I ever could, and that's by cutting yourself some slack. If you don't, Barry, you will mess up even more than you’re naturally going to,” Oliver explained, keeping his voice calm and even because he knew that Barry needed this. Someone who wasn’t as emotionally invested in what was happening, but still cared deeply about him and his friends.

“But what if I can’t do it, Oliver? If I keep making mistakes then I can’t save her just like I wasn’t even able to save Ronnie or Eddie.”

“You have to stop saying you won’t Barry because you will. There will be pain and heartbreak along the way, but you will always pull through because that’s what you do. That lightning bolt chose you for a reason, and it wasn’t so that you could come this far to doubt yourself now.”

Barry’s breathing was labored and a few tears were falling down his face, but through it there was a change in him, a small uptick in the corner of his lips that slightly resembled a smile.

“Barry, I’ve made tons of mistakes from the time I set foot off that island, and each one has come back to bite me in the ass somehow. But, I learned from it and I moved on stronger than before, and that’s what you’re doing now. Every time you get knocked down, you get back up stronger than the last time until you succeed.”

Barry nodded and using the hand that wasn’t still covered by Oliver’s he wiped away the few remaining tears that stained his face.

“Thank you, Oliver. I really mean that,” Barry finally said through a few remaining sobs.

Oliver smiled and nodded.

“You know I’m always here for you. You say the word and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Barry smiled and Oliver finally felt like he was seeing a small semblance of the old Barry that he’d missed so much. Sure he had his own issues with Prometheus, but being there for Barry, someone who helped him see the good in himself would always be a top priority.

“I--umm--should probably head back home. I think I can probably start looking at this Savitar situation a little differently,” Barry finally said.

“Just remember that you’ve got to take it easy on yourself, Barry. You’ll find a way to change the future and save her. You just have to trust yourself.”

Barry stood up and Oliver moved to show him out, but to his surprise Barry turned and pulled him into a hug, and though at first he was caught off-guard he quickly returned the sentiment, wrapping his arms around the leaner man.

“I’m serious, Oliver. Thank you for listening,” Barry said.

Oliver pulled back, but he knew he was smiling wide. Barry was one of the only people who could get that out of him.

“No problem. Now go and save Wally and Iris. Also, I expect an invite to the wedding when you propose to her again.”

Barry laughed and nodded and then just like that he was gone, out the door and half across the city in a flash.

Oliver folded his arms and shook his head grinning.

He knew Barry would succeed. He’d save Iris and Wally, and he’d make things right with everyone because that’s what he did.

Because he knew that Barry Allen was a hero and no matter what it took he would succeed.  

 


End file.
